Demi Lovato no longer hides her truth. Last month, the singer and actress, who has struggled with addiction for years, revealed that she considers herself “California sober,” meaning she does not completely remember substances. This is contrary to decades of conventional wisdom in the world of addiction addiction, which believes that recovery means total and permanent abstinence. How often do you see headlines about this or that celebrity celebrating a sobriety anniversary? Just as we celebrate it, we must also restore Ms. Lovato celebrates, even if it sounds unconventional.
Unfortunately, there has been an onslaught of ignorant criticism of Lovato’s recovery program, which just shows how far we have to go when it comes to recovering from addiction.
The kerfuffle began with her new documentary “Dancing with the Devil”, in which the pop star openly talks about a wide range of personal struggles, from surviving an almost fatal overdose to struggling with eating issues and the trauma of sexual assault. But the headlines focused on her choice to practice ‘moderation management’, that is when people prefer to indulge in some substances – but, as the name suggests, in moderation.
“Yes. I think the term I best identify with is ‘California sober,'” Lovato said in a recent Sunday morning interview on CBS. The interviewer then asked her if it meant she was still drinking alcohol and smoking some weeds. “I really do not feel comfortable explaining the parameters of my recovery to people,” Lovato replied, “because I do not want anyone to look at my safety parameters and think that it works for them, because it works. maybe not. “
Lovato is careful with her words and has clearly reflected on the implications of pop star and role model, while also being true to herself and being honest about her recovery.
But her caution with her words did not stop the haters. One blogger described her recovery path as ‘error’ and ‘dangerous’. “I think the term ‘California sober’ is contemptuous of the sober community,” Ken Seeley, a professional interventionist, told Entertainment Today. “I know a lot of people who work very hard to keep their abstinence and fight for their lives to recover and to offer this new term, ‘California sober,’ is so inappropriate.”
Similarly, a People magazine story about the Lovato documentary was indicative of this common misconception about recovery. “Demi Lovato reveals that she smokes and weeds smoke in moderation, ‘but says’ it’s not for everyone’,” reads the judge’s headline. In the story, People wrote that Demi Lovato ‘is not sober’. The article continued:
The singer then says that she is ‘done with the things that are going to kill me’, but admits that she still smokes weeds and drinks occasionally. Traditionally, in rehabilitations and twelve-step programs, recovery is dependent on overall abstinence from drugs and alcohol and not moderation.
But what is ‘traditional’ is not necessarily right for everyone. There is no shame in recovering heterodox.
The fact is that recovery has just as many paths as there are people. As a national advocate and person who has recovered, I have learned first hand and seen how diverse, creative and innovative our community is. Recovery is defined as ” a process of change through which individuals improve their health and well-being, lead a self-directed life and strive to reach their full potential. ‘This means that every individual who wants relief from drug use disorders deserves the basic respect and dignity we offer to any other person recovering from a chronic illness. Instead, Lovato is described by armchair experts as an ‘alcoholic’ and ‘addict’ and who does not know better and cannot be trusted to make healthy choices for herself.
Similarly, moderation is also a recovery path. To remember some substances while still in use has been restored. Just as total abstinence was restored, or to use medications such as methadone was restored. The restoration of wellness instruments such as yoga or reliance on a spiritual practice has also been restored. Why is it so difficult for some people to understand?
Lovato’s recovery is just as valid as mine: abstinence without use, with the support of a 12-step program. I do not think her way threatens mine or sets a bad example. “If anything, I think she’s showing courage that recovery is real for anyone who wants it. The problem here is not what Lovato wants to do with her own body. She is a 28-year-old adult woman.
As one of the biggest pop stars in the world, Lovato is used to having her body looked after by strangers. In her documentary, she describes how she had no control over her life for years. Her schedule, wardrobe, finances and even what she ate were prescribed and controlled. It’s honestly refreshing to see a woman like Lovato take control again and live out her truth. But women, especially celebrities, seem to be heavily criticized. They are too thin or too fat, the wrong shape, too trendy or hopeless out of fashion. They are bad mothers or spend too much time with their families. It is no surprise that the same judgment also extends to recovery. When a woman uses substances, she is lush; if she remembers, she’s excited. There is no middle ground, and you know what? I’m glad Lovato is trying to please no one but herself with her recovery choices. Each person must decide for themselves what “recovery” means and how they want to live it.
But therapists, treatment specialists and other so-called experts do a lot of reversal over Demi’s decision to do what’s right for her. But it’s the people who need to know that this is exactly how recovery support should work. It is not the job of a therapist (or anyone else) to determine how someone else should live or what guidelines they should adhere to. Instead, they are supposed to offer the tools, resources and support that can help the person lead their best life.
In my experience, finger-swinging, embarrassing, or criticizing no one helps to get sober. No one embarrassed me for treatment; I chose to seek help because I finally accepted that my life was worth living, and I met other people who were brave enough to show me what was possible for me. One of the people was Demi herself: when I first met her in 2013 while living in Los Angeles, I was still in an active heroin addiction and I lied to everyone about it. Shortly after meeting Demi and hearing her story, I changed my life forever. I found a path that worked for me. Like Demi, I also came out in public as a member of the LGBTQ community after I became sober. My identity and my drug use were very much related. Shame kept me in the closet for a very long time. If I were to try to please everyone, I would still be sick and hate. I might even be dead. But I’m not. I live today and am happy. I’m healthier than I ever was, engaged to the man I love, and helping to share the inspiration I got from Demi and many other friends.
The sooner we abandon the idea that zero tolerance, only abstinence recovery is the only valid path, the sooner our lives will begin to be saved. Hundreds of people die every day due to substance-related causes. How many of them would live today if they said there was another way? I am grateful for the incredible variety of recovery paths in my community. Our diversity is our strength. Instead of assuming that a ‘one-size-fits-all’ recovery is prescribed by institutions that pathologize and punish people, we should focus on the individual and ask how we can support them on their unique journey .