It was a tailor-made story for Jimmy Kimmel, who has never been ashamed of his utter hatred of Ted Cruz. And on Thursday night, he devoted almost his entire monologue to the Texas senator for fleeing his freezing, devastated homeland for a brief breakaway in Cancun.
“On behalf of all of us, we would like to send our best wishes from LA to those who have been hammered by the cold weather,” the late-night host began sincerely. ‘Hundreds of thousands of Texans are still without power. And one day when the NASA Rover was to be the most successful landing on Mars, it was a Texas senator who touched Cancun. ‘
“While his fellow Texans froze with power out, Ted Cruz did what any great leader would do if his state needed the leadership most,” Kimmel continued. “He booked a flight to Mexico and said, ‘Adios, amigos! ”
From there, he came down to how bad the situation is on the ground in Texas, where roads are impassable, toilets are frozen and people burn their furniture to stay warm. ‘And where was Mr. Texas while its voters are suffering? ‘ Ask Kimmel. ‘Well, there he is, snake in a plane there! Ironically, he is on his way to the place where he tried to build a wall. ‘
Initially, Kimmel explained, he was not sure if the photos appearing on social media were actually of the Texas senator ‘or just a man with a terrible medical condition named’ looks like Ted Cruz ‘. ”
“But I did not want to post until I knew for sure that it was him,” he said. So my wife spent two full hours last night studying images and photos of his shoes, his mask, his wedding ring together. It was as if I was in bed with Sherlock Holmes. ”
Eventually, reporters began to confirm that it was he on the run. “So he loads his family in a plane to get out of the city, and unfortunately he has been on TV for so long and so long and he kisses everyone that he even recognizes him with a mask on,” Kimmel said. “They post all these photos of him and there is so much setback that he has no choice but to book a flight home immediately.”
“Hypocrisy is not on the map!” he added. “This is the man who hacked the mayor of Austin two months ago for going to Mexico.” But that was not all. Kimmel also asked Cruz to mock Governor Gavin Newsom because he ‘could not even perform the basic functions of civilization, such as having reliable electricity,’ and attacked Chris Christie for going to New Jersey Beach. .
“But why should you only be the greatest hypocrite of the planet if you can also be a world-class liar?” asks the host, before carefully breaking down the initial statement in which Cruz blames his two young daughters for the whole debate.
“With the school’s cancellation for the week, we asked girls to take a trip with friends,” Cruz said. “Because I wanted to be a good father, I flew with them last night and flew back this afternoon.”
“Well, he was careful not to say he was going to fly back this afternoon,” Kimmel explained. ‘He just said he did, and in fact NBC News has a source saying he was originally booked to fly back on Saturday. He booked his return ticket this morning at 6am after being pinned down. But I think we had to believe that he would enchant his wife and children in Mexico and was planning to come back all day the next day … with a suitcase filled with a piñata. ‘
The host also took a moment to mock the people who excused Cruz’s lies, such as’ one idiot ‘named’ Dinesh De-Douche-a ‘, who tweeted:’ What can @tedcruz do if he was here in Texas? I’m hard to say. If he is in Cancun, it does not use valuable energy sources, food and water that can now be used by someone else. This is probably the best thing he could do for the state at the moment. ‘
“And more than 10,000 people ‘liked’ the statement!” Kimmel exclaimed. “What country is it not?”
But because ‘mostly no one bought this story about returning to work’, he said, ‘Ted decided to get clean’, acknowledging that the trip was a ‘mistake’ and that he cut it short after the setback. “He also claims that his struggle to be the greatest father in the world has put him in a position he realized was only a few hours late.”
Speaking to reporters outside his home on his return, he said he “almost thought a second time” when he got on the plane.
“Yes, as soon as people start posting pictures of him on the plane, he looks up and knows he should not be on the plane,” Kimmel replied. How did he think he was going to get away with this? You know your judgment is terrible if this hairstyle is only the third worst decision you have made this month. ‘
“Well, at least his vacation was ruined,” Kimmel concluded before urging viewers to text “ABC 13” to 41444 to donate money for Texas relief.
Listen and sign in for more information The last laugh podcast.