Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I often run into another couple at our favorite watering hole. They are very friendly and seem to like us a lot, but they are always absolutely plowed when we see them.
The man will hold on to something and say it over and over. The last time we ran into them, he kept me from stopping to cross my arms because it was a defensive position. He even shouted it from across the room.
I’m 62 and will cross my arms whenever I want. But more seriously, he made very specific and pointed remarks about my boyfriend’s body. Yes, my husband is very handsome, but it was completely inappropriate and whimsical.
I’m so thankful my boyfriend didn ‘t hear it, but he did.
How can I shut him down if it happens again?
Back, size
Dear friend: Note: people who wear beer glasses usually have no depth perception.
Just because this waving couple clings to you and seems to like you a lot, does not oblige you to hold them back.
The best way to respond to a drunk person in a bar is to politely disregard him. I do not suggest trying to reason with him or practicing any form of word games: it will only ignite his alcohol-fueled feedback loop; it can also make him angry.
The next time these two very friendly people are plowing into you while they are being plowed and you do not like it, you can say, ‘We are going to sit here now and have a private chat. Be two careful to go home, OK? ‘
Dear Amy: My husband had knee replacement surgery at a Catholic hospital last week.
The first few weeks of his physical therapy are done with us. The first session was today.
Everything went well and when it was time for her to leave, the therapist asked if my husband would like to pray with her. She said it depended on him.
He said yes, she said a short prayer and left.
I was stunned. Is this something new?
I have been seen by many healthcare professionals and nobody ever asked me to pray with them.
We live in the Bible Belt, so I thought it might have something to do with it.
Your thoughts?
I will pray myself
Dear I will pray: My research on this has led me to read a number of studies on the practice of prayer between health professionals and patients. Although it appears that most attitudes reflect in relation to patients asking health professionals to pray with them, one study reflects a similar situation as your husband.
Quote a 2018 study published by the National Institutes of Health: “Most Americans pray; many pray about their health. However, do patients want a prayer offer if they are admitted to the hospital? With this project, the patient’s responses in the hospital could be measured on the offer of massage therapists from a communion prayer to a massage.
‘After the intervention, 78 patients completed questionnaires that elicited quantitative data. … In this sample, 88 percent accept the offer of prayer, 85 percent find it helpful and 51 percent want prayer daily. Patients can welcome prayer as long as the clinician shows ‘sincere kindness and respect’. ”
While this may be unusual, I do not think it is necessarily unethical for a healthcare provider to offer to pray with a patient, not even in the patient’s own home. Doing so can help create a connection between the therapist and patient. Prayer can help relax the patient and “center” his intentions toward his own health and recovery.
The offer can also feel coercive.
How did your husband feel about this practice? He must prepare himself to respond before his next appointment.
A reminder that this is his treatment, and he can decide how to deal with it, no matter how you feel about it.
Dear Amy: ‘Curmudgeon in California’ described a Zoom-based baby shower with over 100 people!
For me, the food, treats, drinks and napkins with people at your table were the thing that made showers personally bearable.
Without it, it’s just something to get through.
No one is allowed to host a virtual event with more than 30 people. It is unpleasant and impersonal. Divide it into smaller events!
Zoomed out
Dear zoomed out: I remain dumbfounded at the number of people some people know!
Yes, smaller opportunities are much better, whether virtual or real.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.