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USA TODAY
It did not start that way. When the first photo appeared on Instagram of the person you know, he was getting the COVID-19 vaccine, you feel excited. A certain relief that something else is coming. You were lucky that they were safe, and you hoped that one day you would soon know that feeling too.
Months after the vaccine, most Americans still do not know that feeling. Public health officials warned that it would take time to vaccinate everyone who wanted it, but most people did not expect confusion and inconsistencies. To wait.
If you now see the picture, read the text, call that someone you know just got the vaccine, there is another feeling too: envy.
“When you have a little hope, and then it is frustrated, you will become depressed or angry or resentful,” said therapist Steven Stosny. “And sometimes you’re going to blame it on another person, even though it’s the system that really causes tension.”
Millions of Americans had to scramble to find vaccines. Some obsessively refreshed hours of hours, others drove hundreds of miles for appointments. Rules on the distribution of vaccines differ according to the state, which contributes to feelings of frustration.
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‘I’m so jealous of the people who successfully have the vaccine appointments that I can scream, “Twitter user @RaxKingIsDead wrote. @ Ann_Bourke_4 regrets, ‘I now envy such vaccine. Just need to make it to April. ‘
USA TODAY spoke with mental health experts on how to navigate enthusiasm.
Acknowledge that you are not a bad person to feel that way
Envy is a valid emotion, psychologists say, and it makes sense in this crisis. People have been waiting a long time to get back to things they love – to get back to each other – and it can be painful to see someone get something you crave.
Many people are also angry because they can no longer do anything to help people they love – older parents, disabled children. If someone feels powerless, they can blame it.
“It does not make you a bad person because you have such feelings,” says Robert Enright, a licensed psychologist and professor at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, who studies moral development and the science of forgiveness.
Distinguish between envy and resentment
Experts say that all of us are prone to envy when someone has something we want. We can envy a neighbor’s house, or a friend’s trip. Resentment, Enright said, is different. This is what someone tends to feel when he believes someone has acted unfairly.
“If someone came to me and said, ‘I’m really resentful of this other person,’ I would ask, ‘Tell me what you think is unfair?’ he said.
If you feel envious that your friend who is a nurse has received the vaccine, it is valid. If you are indignant about them, it indicates that you believe they did something wrong. In the example of the nurse, the resentment would be misplaced. However, if you know someone who did something dishonest to get the vaccine, it would be unfair, you would be indignant at the injustice, and as Enright says, you could forgive them.
With COVID, Enright said that most individuals who evoke feelings of envy or resentment are probably not guilty.
“It’s probably not the person responsible for spreading fairness,” he said.
If you feel excluded, do not disconnect
The vaccine has created a divide – between those who can move through the world with less fear and more certainty, and those who feel they are still living a nightmare.
Some people have seen their entire family vaccinated while they keep waiting. Some are in groups of friends where the vaccinated tell stories about their symptoms, while the unvaccinated quietly wish for their own.
If you are in a social circle where many people are vaccinated and not, Enright said it is important to distinguish between what kind of exclusion you are experiencing. Intentional exclusion – not invited to the party – or indirect exclusion – if you could not get to the party due to traffic.
“You feel excluded is a reasonable response, but there is a big difference between the two categories,” he said.
Experts say you may be able to share your feelings with the group so that they can provide support. Stosny said it was important to maintain an ‘attitude of commitment’. Keep reaching out to people you love.
“The biggest antidote to resentment is commitment,” he said.
Review your thinking and forgive yourself if you need to
What is most difficult about envy and especially resentment, experts believe, is that they tend to make us feel bad about ourselves.
“If you are not careful, with this envy, this feeling of immediate exclusion, living with resentment, you can ultimately not like yourself to have these thoughts,” Enright said.
Negativity towards the self does not promote spiritual well-being, while self-forgiveness can be whole under these circumstances.
Stosny also said that these feelings could have a negative effect on our immune system.
“Envy, jealousy and resentment increase inflammation, which makes us more susceptible to infection,” he said. “Focus on what you can do to make it more likely that you will stay healthy. … The resentment will eventually not make the vaccine available anymore.”