The Relax is the wellness series of Yahoo Life in which experts, influencers and celebrities share their approaches to wellness and mental health, from rituals for self-care to setting healthy boundaries to the mantras that keep them going.
Few moms may have a ‘vampire killer’ on their resume, but Sarah Michelle Gellar disappears unlike the average parent of the closing life: playing board games, wrestling with screen time dilemmas and looking for her two children, ages 8 and 11, outside. The actress – who starred in 2002 with the heartbreaker from the 90s and the regular co-star Freddie Prinze Jr. married – also find a purpose by tackling the famine of the pandemic, an initiative that she says ‘feeds my soul’.
Here the star begins about her latest charity project, friendship and the lessons she imparts to her children.
What are you going to do in terms of your mental health break or stress relief? Are you exercising, keeping a diary or meditating?
Meditating would be great, but I have two kids in my house, other than the bathroom, I do not have time alone at the moment. My meditation is my sleep. I practiced; I think this is really important to me. It’s also about getting out and getting some fresh air. It’s so easy to just be on your Zooms all day and stay in your room or read a book or whatever, and I make it a point to be outside. Even if it does me Zooms [outdoors] – I’m lucky enough to have a backyard and live in an area with nice weather so I can be outside. I think this is very important; you can be very depressed all the time.
And [it’s about] actually just trying to find appreciation and gratitude. No matter how difficult this situation is, to understand that I am in a happy place where I am not food insured, and to definitely concentrate on what are the things I can do to help people who are struggling worse than I am. I’m one of those people who needs to be busy and feel that they are helping other people.
You have a partnership with Subaru donates 100 million meals to Feeding America to help those who are food safe during the pandemic. How does giving back help you to keep perspective during these difficult times?
Well, I think perspective is the key word in what you say. You can not for your own health and well-being; you can not deny that it is difficult for every person. This is the hardest thing I have ever encountered in my life, and I do not sit with the situations that other people face. And perspective has always been very important to me, especially on the days when I feel frustrated and thinking, I can not handle it.
And I think about what’s happening now, and when you hear that a statistic like 1 in 4 children currently have food safety and may not know where their next meal is coming from, it breaks my heart on every level. What are the things we as a community, as a country, can do to help the situation, because no child ever has to worry about where their next meal is coming from. And being able to make contact with a company like Subaru that really means what they say and makes such a difference increases my mood … It nourishes my soul.
How did your family go through the pandemic? Were there any bright spots?
You have to find your own bright spots in this situation, and it goes in waves. I currently live in Los Angeles, which in my opinion was probably the strictest in the country. It goes in waves where you can see people in the distance. I’m a people person, so it’s hard for me not to be social and not to see my friends. But we got so creative in other ways. The other day, one of my girlfriends, it was her birthday and we did a game of Zoom and we sent a Google document with questions and we made these little paddles for our friends who had to guess whose answer it was . It’s just how funny how things come in full circle. I was the person at a baby shower or a bachelor party years ago, like, ‘I do not want to play a game.’ And now I am so happy to do so, on any level I connect with the people in my life.
There were many bright spots. And the highlights are spending time with my family. Normally we live in a very busy society, and my husband and I both work, and my kids have an active social life, and they have classes and we are always on the go. And now we have really scaled back and enjoy eating together every night and playing board games. Just really connected on a deeper level.
I think it’s also strengthened friendships – the people who were here for you, who signed you up when they did not hear from you in a few days and asked, ‘Do you feel disappointed?’ ‘… Whether it’s something falling into someone’s front yard to cheer them up, or the fact that we have the ability [to connect], I feel very blessed.
Do you have wellness routines that you practice as a family, or are there ways in which you introduce your children to concepts such as self-care and self-esteem?
Self-esteem is so troublesome to be youth these days. We are so bombarded by these cultured, perfect images on social media, and it’s a constant conversation I have with my daughter. She’s at that age where she’s starting to explore different social media, and I want her to understand that this is just a little bit of someone’s life and that it’s been filtered. You can change everything, and that’s not what reality is.
I have always been happy that I could block so much negativity, because if I give credit to the negativity, I will have to give the same amount of credit to the positivity, and I have to take it from the people around me. I have explained to my daughter several times that this is the most important [lesson]. This is difficult because she misses the valuable time with groups of friends where you learn how to navigate through those situations.
My other wellness trick is that you have to balance screen time. It’s for everyone – it’s for me, it’s for my kids. And it’s hard because the screen connects us now, but in the end it tends to disconnect us because we are not together. We lost those social skills and eye contact. Whether it’s a walk with a friend with double masks and being outside, or driving where I’m blowing out the window, to make sure I make the effort to have a connection that’s not just digital is not.
Is it hard to pull it off with your kids?
I try not to be too hard on myself because it’s a big leap for us. Our kids did not have much screen time for this, but I must also understand that they can do very little, and that is how they connect. The word is balance, and to make sure we have big chunks of the day where all the devices are hidden and we are outside on the trampoline, whether we are talking whether we are walking the dogs or playing a board game. Just really balance it out. But not to be so hard on myself either, that, you know, if one of their friends wants a zoom in with them, [accepting] that it is now for them [in terms of social contact] and understand that it is OK.
Are there wellness trends that you think are overrated?
I still drink my own celery juice, or I get it from the farmers market, so I do not think it is exaggerated. I did not put Gorilla Glue in my hair [laughs].
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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