Perform these standardized Naplan test questions through your ten-year-old and listen to her answers.
When the holidays are over, Dad’s uncle (my great uncle) comes from Italy to visit.
This sentence contains an error in the use of a
A. capital letter.
B. a comma.
C. an apostrophe.
D. brackets.
Anna opens a savings account. She deposits $ 4 in the first week. She then pours in twice as much money each week as the previous week.
The total amount of money in the account is
A. always strange.
B. always equal.
C. sometimes strange and sometimes even.
Many ten-year-olds will respond with ‘I’m not an English girl’ or ‘I’m not a math girl’ when faced with such questions. In other contexts I have heard ten-year-olds say, “I’m not an athletic girl”. For my book, Ten-ager – What Your Daughter Needs to Know About the Transition from Child to Teenager, I consulted 500 Australian ten-year-old girls, 1,600 mothers and 100-year-old teachers, and I regularly heard girls tell me in which they were not good, as if they had decided on 10.
You can hear the psychologist Karen Young, the founder of the website Hey Sigmund, shudder when she says: ‘We do not even know what they are at ten! They are placed in these environments where it becomes competitive rather than playful. ”
And even if they are told that the tests are not competitive, they are. They direct children that they are below standard or not where they should be. “Even when teachers and parents say, ‘It’s great, you did an excellent job and we’re really proud of you,’ they look around at others, ‘she says. And if they, even in a small group of four or five friends, feel that they are sitting at the bottom of points, the message is clear. “I’m not a smart girl.” “I’m not athletic like my friends.” “I will not do math / science in high school.”
They put a ceiling on their potential, and many of them carry it on in years 6 and 7. “We don’t even know at ten years what it’s going to be like,” says Karen Young. “Their brains are still developing.”
In this project, I chased so many rabbits into so many holes: girls ’passion for their pets; their love of cooking; how they wanted to make the world a better place; their struggle to find lasting friends; what they see when they look in the mirror; the messages encrypted in the digital background that fill their lives; the first preliminary steps of independence; the brutality rendered by Covid-19; the anxiety of depression, self-harm and eating disorders; the search for self-image and the monster that body image sometimes provides. But the one that landed me in my stomach was how ten-year-olds determine what they consider their future path … in year 5!
Many of them then write their own story. They stop trying in a specific topic. They withdraw from the hockey team. They decide the science club is not for them – it’s for the ‘science girls’.
“I can’t do math.”
“I’m not good at sports.”
“I can never get my homework done on time.”
“I’m worried about schoolwork because I’m not good at it.”
“I’m bad with school supplies.”
“I’m worried I can ‘t go to high school because I’m not smart enough.
None of them say that they are not good at being friendly, that they have empathy, or play an instrument, sew or debate about it, or are a pet owner, or a number of other talents who are just like that. can be important, if not more important, than a year-five math quiz.
“My daughter thinks because she’s not like school, she’s not smart,” one mother wrote to me. “I find it sad.” Another one says it: ‘She can not even ride a bike, and now she will not try again. ” Another: ‘She gave up sports because she has a high standard and does not believe she is good. ‘And another: “She will not make the best use of her talents, for she is terrified of making mistakes or looking foolish.
And so it goes – a fear that girls will move themselves at the ages of 10 and 11 years.
Prof Susan Sawyer, president of the International Association of Adolescent Health, says the restrictions may be due to gender perceptions about what boys and girls in or should do in families. But the potential is also limited by what girls internalize at this age.
“It’s often very unconscious, but we accept the values around us and the feedback we get as successful or unsuccessful,” she says.
It can affect the confidence we have in performing tasks, such as math. And our confidence and expectations will shape how “brave” we will be in terms of future engagement.
The tendency of young girls – and, often, accidentally, their parents – to put a ceiling on their talents, frustrates teachers about the length and breadth of our country. The principal of the Korowa Anglican Girls’ School in Melbourne, Helen Carmody, considers this journey for many girls as part of their search for identity. They accept the messages of those around them, and this can very quickly yield many closed options for themselves. Carmody, and almost everyone else, may question whether our children can compliment too much. ‘I think parents tell them a lot in which they are good. You know, rather than rewarding them for the work they do, or for the challenges they face, or the things they try, there is that constant praise, ”she says.
It sounds like this: “Oh, these are beautiful works of art, but then you’re such an amazing artist.” Rather than: “You worked so hard. You should be proud of that; it took ten hours. ”
Author Rebecca Sparrow says: ‘The idea of’ you are amazing ‘and’ look how wonderful you are ‘- the message is problematic in my opinion. And if you have that message, I think you have less room to understand [others]. ”
Matt Macoustra, deputy head (operations) at Sydney’s Barker College, says if you ask a girl why she says ‘she’s not a maths person’, she will say ‘because I’m not good at it.’ Sometimes he sees the penny drop when he explains that perseverance can change it. “And it seems to be much more prevalent in young women than in boys,” he says.
Girls could sometimes internalize criticism and take an exam result in person rather than view it as a point on the page. He gives the analogy: if a boy is told he made a mistake with football, he would think he did not kick the ball well in that particular game; it would not become a matter of him as a person. However, a girl will probably take the mistake personally.
Educators say that if a child has decided to do something or not, it is difficult to change the mindset. Some schools have asked to cross subjects – for example, to include art in science or technology in mathematics. “The learning therefore comes together so that you can see the application of what you do and think less about things that are separated according to subjects,” says one educator. Another explains an early focus on entrepreneurship, where children are encouraged to create a product, sell it, sell it, and draw up a business plan. The idea, from beginning to end, is to open closed minds.
Susan Dalton, principal of the Miami High School, says schools need to be strategic with the timetable, to provide girls with a mix of experiences so that they do not limit their interests and abilities too soon. “Schools do have control over how they can help not to move girls at that age,” she says.
But there must be constant work to ensure that girls continue to ‘reach for the stars’, step out of their comfort zones and be part of a ‘culture of inclusion’. It works best when parents and the school work together. So what advice would Dalton give to parents whose daughters are hesitant about continuing activities in which they do not win?
To listen more than we talk. Keep the lines of communication open. And do not use our daughters to make our own dreams come true.
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This is an edited excerpt from Ten-ager – What Your Daughter Needs to Know About the Transition from Child to Teen, by Madonna King (Hachette, $ 32.95)