The biggest reason why fake news is fluttering is because real news has become so bizarre lately
Dear Agony Akka,
Or is there any justice in this world? First of all, I write emails with advice from girls who, I think, are half my age. Worse, I have to call her ‘Akka’, like an intrigue in K. Balachander movie Apoorva Raagangal. Or have you seen it? I saw it in 1975 in Midland Theater: ticket price 2.90; popcorn at intervals of 50 paise; bus ticket up and down 40 paise. Rajinikanth’s first film, but the storyline was still so confusing even today that I get a headache trying to solve the relationship mystery. Reviews say it all aha-oho, but no one explains jangiri-type plot. Last week, Rajinikanth was admitted to the hospital. Official reason: BP fluctuation. But I think the real reason is headaches when I solve the same mystery in 45 minutes. When I posted it on a family WhatsApp group, my 10 year old grandson looked at me: ‘Actually, thatha… ”My question is: how to deal with a troublesome grandson who checks and forwards and humiliates my messages in a WhatsApp family? Is there any UN agency that deals with such chicks?
– Grandpa from a tweet
Dear BOOK,
ApparentYou are dealing with a civilizational crisis in your family, which requires drastic action. To begin with, your little angry grandson sounds like he would not recognize a joke if it reached out and bit him on the back. If you are not careful, he will soon start haunting all your family members at the best of times, not unlike a certain high-decibel news anchor we all know (but wish we did).
More generally, this matter of controlling everything, even on family groups, makes the unlimited joy of spreading fake news, which even until a short while ago with so much joy by WhatsApp uncles and it has.
In that sense, the golden age of fake forwards is over. False news factories once operated on an industrial scale and relied heavily on busy mamas and kakas to make the word heard in every family circle. In fact, my friend Roshni tells me that a professional YouTuber in her native Bihar was catching up with lakhs generating strange conspiracy theories.
And I remember how a French Indophile commentator wrote a satirical article a few years ago that suggested he came across an old, rusty tribe with inscriptions by Nostradumus that mentioned the rise of a man named “Narendrus” predicted from “Gujaratus” as India’s “supreme leader”. A mainstream channel fell for it and reported it as news. It used to be so easy. But unfortunately everyone these days is checking everything. They see all the fake stuff in time.Where is the pleasure in it?
But the biggest reason why fake news is fluttering is because real news has become so bizarre lately that no fake news factory can compete with something half as sensational. My cousin in the office in Aadhaar tells me that there was once an application in the name of ‘Osama bin Laden’; apparently a false name, but the real name of the man, it turns out, was Saddam Hussein. Can any IT cell fit it?
Then there were cases where women married themselves in ‘sologamie’ ceremonies, and in one case a sologamis subsequently ‘cheated on herself’. Earlier this year, a Kazakh bodybuilder got a sex doll. Okay, that’s not so weird, you say. But the love story has a tragic twist – because of his weighty passion, the doll is literally broken in two. Can fake news match melodrama?
So, Bokkie, your grandson with excessive factual control needs to be kept in check. But in the absence of a UN agency, you have to deal with it yourself. It seems excessive to deny him or put him out of the family WhatsApp group. Just follow the proven WhatsApp Uncle technique to weaken family groups – bombard it with syrupy ‘Good Morning’ messages and videos you dedicate. This will teach him to factually control you.
– AA