The researchers found that people dealing with the impending breakup started using the pronouns “I” and “us” more than three months before they split up.
In general, the language of people who have divorced a partner, as well as those with whom they have divorced, has also become less formal and personal. According to the researchers, these changes may express a decrease in analytical thinking and an increase in cognitive processing.
“These are signs that someone has a heavy cognitive burden,” said Sarah Seraj, MS, lead author and doctoral candidate in psychology. “They think or work through something and become more self-centered.”
In general, people who are depressed or sad may start using the word “I” more often, Seraj explained. “When people are depressed, they tend to focus on themselves and can’t relate to others that much.”
People have shown these shifts in language, even when discussing topics that are completely unrelated to relationships, the researchers found and showed how penetrating a breakup can affect someone’s life on a subconscious level.
While these patterns began to ease for most people after six months, the language of some users did not become normal until a year after dissolution. Those who took longer to overcome the breakdown were more likely to tell their disintegration story months after it happened, which, according to the researchers, made it harder for them to heal.