Gwyneth Paltrow is back. Here is the scene for the perfect thing for our times:
Tens of millions of people across the country have fallen ill with COVID-19. Nearly half a million have died. Given deficiencies in chronic testing, millions of others are likely to be infected and never diagnosed. Some of those infected will have long-term effects, and it will have persistent symptoms for weeks to months – or maybe longer.
Sometimes the symptoms seem to be a direct prolongation of the disease, such as persistent shortness of breath, cough and / or chest pain. Other times, the symptoms may be more indescribable, such as fatigue and concentration problems, or ‘brain fog’.
So far, it is unclear how many people will suffer from ‘long COVID’, although it is clear that it can affect people, regardless of whether they have had mild, moderate or severe illness. A project to detect COVID symptoms in the UK estimates that ten per cent of infected symptoms last longer than two weeks. A survey conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 35 percent of symptomatic adults were not back to their previous state of health two to three weeks after being tested positive. CDC researchers found that 20 percent had prolonged symptoms, just after previously healthy people aged 18 to 34 years. According to other studies, people hospitalized with COVID-19 may have a much higher risk for long COVID.
Regardless of the exact percentages, the absolute number of people with long-term effects is likely to be significant, probably in the millions – in the US alone. The virus has spread unabated, so even a small chip is still a large number of people. Researchers support a massive wave of chronic diseases in the aftermath of the pandemic. And they work fast to understand as much as possible about long COVID – what causes it, who gets it, and most importantly, how to treat it.
But their work is cut out for them. Some early reports indicate indescribable symptoms such as fatigue, and it can be difficult to unravel cases of long COVID from other health problems. And with the test barriers in the US, many people can long have COVID that has never been tested positive for the virus, creating the challenge for doctors to diagnose it retrospectively.
So there is this huge new patient population, which is currently so poorly identified and so poorly understood that it can include almost everyone with the faintest symptoms.
Do you see the marketing potential here? Gwyneth Paltrow sure.
Krake COVID
In a recent blog post, Paltrow reveals that she fell ill early in the pandemic with COVID-19 and now suffers from long COVID. She specifically says that she experienced fatigue and brain fog in the aftermath of her infection. This is very unfortunate, and she has our deepest sympathy. Fortunately, however, she seems to be managing her long-term illness very well, staying physically active, socially over zooming, focused on improving the appearance of her skin and engaging in creative business projects.
In fact, she has even found an unproven but definitely effective treatment regimen for her long COVID. And she would love to tell you about it in a post loaded with products from her lifestyle e-brand Goop and affiliate links.
To help develop the regimen, the actor consulted the exploding vagina candles with a chiropractor (of course). The chiropractor, Will Cole, puts Paltrow on a partially fixed, partial keto nutrition plan that is somehow ‘plant-based’, except that it contains ‘fish and some other meat’. In addition to this “freewheel” diet, Paltrow also swallows a fistful of vitamins and supplements of $ 102, which are rinsed off with a $ 60 “detoxifying” powder mixed with water.
Although Paltrow says she felt ‘energetic, healthier’ before even starting the diet, Cole told her that she needed a lot of healing based on her ‘labs’, which would take ‘longer than usual’. Because who, of course, even needs proof of short-term benefits if you can just sign up indefinitely for an expensive, untested long-term treatment that will pay off … one day … probably?
In addition to Cole’s protocol, Chief Gooper has found some unique methods to relieve her long COVID symptoms. Despite the fight against fatigue, she says she has energy and exercised in the mornings, including walking. To keep going, she signed up for a pair of $ 220 hiking boots, a $ 145 hiking jacket and a $ 8,600 gold necklace. [Yes, you read that correctly.] Apparently Paltrow has one thing to wear chains, often several at a time. ‘But only for a hike [$8,600] one is perfect, ”she writes.
As she does not scale down mountains to combat her COVID fatigue, she focuses her misty thoughts on making sure her skin looks good for her many Zoom meetings. She names four products just for this part of her long COVID treatment. It’s a $ 500 infrared sauna blanket, a $ 98 oil, a $ 125 serum and $ 125 overnight acid peel.
And after all the costly exercise, skincare, and video conferencing, Paltrow relaxes in a $ 125 Goop University T-shirt and a $ 32 mocktail served in a $ 112 glass.
And there you have it, dear readers. Gwyneth Paltrow has long nailed COVID.