It is certainly easier, and often more attractive, for some parents to wrap diapers. Everyone drinks beer and smokes pot. It’s all part of growing up, especially for parents who grew up with access to many different substances. Right?
CNN spoke to Lahey about why the adolescent brain is particularly vulnerable to alcohol and drugs and how parents, caregivers and other adults with children in their lives can all support fast-growing children to make better decisions regarding alcohol and drug use. She also tells how her own sobriety inspired the book.
This conversation has been edited and summarized for clarity.
CNN: Addiction is personal to you. How did this come up while writing this book about children and drug abuse?
Jessica Lahey: It was scary because it was not just me who had drug abuse; it’s also a big part of my extended family. But I totally believe that the more I talk about what I’ve been through, the easier it is for others to talk about their experiences. The more I talk about it, the more I can erase the stigma of what it is.
Only when I recovered did I realize that everyone you meet can be an alcoholic. There are many perfectionists who deal with their anxiety with alcohol.
CNN: How does the adolescent brain develop in a way that makes teens more vulnerable to addiction?
Lahey: The adolescent brain is in this process of development and becoming, and it is only finished cooking before young people are in their early or mid twenties. Adolescents are not wired for addiction, but to take risks. Their basal levels of dopamine (a type of neurotransmitter associated with pleasure) are lower than those of children or adults. Drugs and alcohol have become a way to novelty and risk – to feel something.
CNN: It’s more harmful to them, too. Why?
Lahey: Mainly because so much development is going on, and once the damage happens, you can not go back to fix things. There are receptors in the brain that are critical for learning, memory, and emotions that are perfected and honed during the adolescent period.
CNN: You write about how addiction starts early. What are some of your suggestions for young children?
It is also good for parents to have discussions about the medicine in your cabinet. For example, in the case of my household, why take mum and not dad. Talk about our health and what we put in our bodies from an early age.
Look around the elementary school what you say to your children. “I had such a hard day, I need a drink to switch off.” We use this language around children and children, they hear us, and do as we do and not as we say. When they see that we use alcohol and drugs to deal with sadness or to deal with emotions, they get the message that this is what alcohol and drugs are for.
CNN: This seems especially important during the pandemic, when many parents and children struggle with stress, anxiety, depression or all three.
CNN: How do you talk to teens?
Lahey: Turn it into a conversation about the way they are marketed. Adolescents hate being manipulated. “Do you think it would be beer and lean if you drank the beer?”
In general, this is what teens want from us, honesty, real information and evidence. If we use scare tactics, they simply do not believe us. We need to tell them about how their brains develop, their risk factor and their refusal skills.
The best we can do is give them as much information as possible.
CNN: What does it look like in your home?
Lahey: Initially, I was fully looking at the idea of having to be more European in order to raise my moderate drinkers and let my kids swallow them at home.
If we can only get them up to 18 years old, it helps a lot to protect their brains and prevent them from having a lifelong risk of drug abuse disorder.
In our house we have a clear message that you can not drink until the age of 21.
CNN: What about the college years?
Lahey: Initially, I did not know if I would do a college chapter. We think of drinking as an inevitable part of the university experience, and I thought I would just scream in the wind.
Children tend to have a misperception, an overestimation, to be specific, how much other college students drink, as well as how much alcohol matters to them. They then raise their own liquor to match their misconceptions about how much other students are drinking.
CNN: What would it be like if you could wave a magic wand and now change one thing about university and alcohol?
Lahey: I would love to see if colleges are more supportive of children who do not drink or occasionally choose. I’m not anti-alcohol or drug addicted. I only protect adolescent brains and keep children safe. If we change expectations, it will live up to those expectations.
Elissa Strauss is a regular contributor to CNN, where she writes about the politics and culture of parenting.