How to love yourself this Valentine’s Day

Born from the ancient, mystical sitcom “Parks and Recreation”, the episode “Galentine’s Day” premiered on February 11, 2010. It features Amy Poehler’s character, Leslie, as she makes her way through a day of disappointments over the navigating love life – in an attempt to set her mother on a bad date and to deal with her own partner’s rude behavior. She rebels against the traditional battle of Valentine’s Day and thinks of a day to rejoice with her friends and celebrate herself.

You may be one of the more than one-third of American women who are not teamed up. Or if you are, you may be tired of being with your important person 24/7 over the past year and would rather pretend to be single.

The tradition, which has grown from a one-off TV stint to a commercially viable and widely practiced holiday, usually includes brunching with your friends. Generally, a lot of booze is encouraged. Personal cat bones may need to be done via Zoom this year (can you say “Galentine Gallianos? Mama mimosas?), But why not consider breaking the usual rituals and delivering a dose of self-care?

Be good to yourself

Whether you’re sucking at a distance with your girls, trying to get a moment to yourself in a full house or shaking it on this Valentine’s Day alone and physically, it’s not a bad idea to go after such a challenging few months to turn inward and send not love and tender care for yourself.

“Loving yourself is the most important element of a healthy relationship,” said Rachel DeAlto, a dating and relationship expert in New York. “Start looking at who in your life is not uplifting you. Of course, self-love is an inner work, but so often we let those around us influence our confidence and feelings of self-worth.”

According to Lauren Cook, a clinical psychologist, speaker, and author from Los Angeles, it can be hard to love yourself on commando, but you can imagine yourself as a separate person.

“Just as you can give another person a Valentine’s gift, write a hearty card or spend quality time together, take these practices inward,” she said via email. “We often do not treat ourselves as well as we treat others, and Valentine’s Day is an excellent opportunity to actually reflect on how we can practice self-love and self-pity.”

Loving yourself more truly and deeply, it helps to try to unpack all the low social conditioning that has been piled up on us for a lifetime, and that takes away our ability to just love ourselves for who we are without the judgment and doubt and self-awareness.

“Remember you were born to love yourself. Babies know they are fierce and beautiful, and for that they do not need to be empowered,” said Damon L. Jacobs, a family and relationship therapist in New York.

To deepen your self-love, according to Jacobs, learn who you are by spending quality time alone and participating in activities that provide you with joy and fulfillment and deepen reflection. And there is a silver lining. “Once you nurture attention and energy for yourself at those levels, you literally become an attractive magnet for others,” he said.

Practice ‘learning’ by actively focusing on your positive qualities and not on the negative ones, which we so often stumble upon. It will help to retrain your brain to lean in your friendlier thoughts about yourself and encourage deeper self-esteem.

In addition, there is what Jacobs refers to as focusing on ‘evidence-based’ or what others may see as perspective.

“If you survived 2020, you did at least 4,380 good things (that’s 12 good things every day). Let your feelings about yourself be determined by the evidence of your life, not by the skewed opinions of your critical voice,” he said. Jacobs said.

Focus on the good things you have experienced, the good deeds you have committed, the ways you have helped others.

“If you want to feel love, do loving things,” he said.

In a world that has been sorely lacking in love and loving-kindness lately, there is no better counsel than this.