If I had shared my persistent thoughts of extinction more, or perhaps if she had asked other questions, I might have been heard. If it was, I would walk out of her office and never go back.
Augenthaler says, “You need to feel comfortable and be heard, and if you ever get the feeling that you do not understand me, this is not the right therapist for you.”
Anne Nayor, a licensed clinical social worker in St. Thomas, said the best: “Therapists are not gods, they are just people and make mistakes.”
I stayed away from therapy for ten years until my 24-year marriage was threatened by my husband’s betrayal. He promised that the case would end, but refused to discuss or admit it, and I could not move on without talking about it. The licensed counselor I got from my brother advised me to make my home a more relaxing place for my husband, and if he was more comfortable, he would be more open to talking about the matter.
This advice felt wrong, but I did not know how to contradict the person with the training and education. Instead, I turned on the proposed gas lights and stayed in my marriage while my husband happily continued his business.
Janice Seward, a doctor in clinical psychology, said: “Therapy has an inherent power differential, and we are much more likely to surrender things like our gut feeling when we are in a relationship where someone has the perception of power. “It’s important to keep trusting your gut, even if someone has a PhD behind their name. If you have a feeling something is not right, there probably isn’t something.”
After a year that made my husband comfortable, my marriage finally exploded. This time, I found the right analyst through a referral from a friend.
John Gyra, a clinical psychologist, helped me unravel and heal the truth of my marriage. I also discovered why my previous therapists were so helpless – I needed someone with the training and coaching to recognize the emotional abuse in my marriage. With his help and guidance, I gained the strength I needed to stand firm during my three-year settlement negotiations. He encouraged me to feel the anger I was suppressing under my feeling that I was being victimized, and to learn to work with these powerful feelings. He helped me find the words to talk to my children about their father.
Eventually I feel seen and heard. Seward agrees with the other professionals I interviewed. “Research has been done on what is actually therapeutic and curative, and that is the relationship between the therapist and the client.”
She advises you to seek help sooner, rather than waiting for a crisis. Know that what you feel can be normal, given the stressors of these times, but it can also be beyond the bounds of what you can handle on your own.
Seward also says, “Thirty years ago there were three scents of therapy; now it’s five hundred.” If you work with someone who is licensed or registered, there will be a licensing board that primarily aims to ensure safety for customers. It also sets a minimum standard that a therapist must meet.
There are also many online providers on demand such as BetterHelp, TalkSpace, and if you are in Canada, Online-Therapy.com can. There has been a paradigm shift since I last met with Dr. almost 15 years ago. Gyra met. It is very accessible and affordable to get help.
Ask your medical doctor, friends and family for recommendations. If you are employed, contact your HR or employee department. Do not hesitate to talk to several therapists until you find one that you feel comfortable with. Most offer an initial 10- or 15-minute phone call for free. Read therapists’ websites, read their cinema and look at their photos to see if anyone is appealing to you, or specializes in the issues you think you are experiencing.