Thanks to science, we have known for some time that early humans had sex with Neanderthals. For some carnal curiosities, however, mere knowledge of these encounters is not enough – some of us seem to want the details. Fortunately, scientists have it too, or at least some of it, and the BBC has recently blessed us with a massive guide to Neanderthal sex.
According to this massive collection of information, scientists were apparently very busy putting together information about our ancestors’ prehistoric sex life. Among the many insights in the Neanderthal sex article are information on kissing (they probably did), sleep (they probably did too) and sexually transmitted diseases (we probably got HIV from our ancestors’ Neanderthal connections , but we gave exchange for it). And, most of all, science can tell us a thing or two about Neanderthal picks.
First, the Neanderthal penises do not have spines. Yes, spines. As it turns out, smooth penises are quite unique to men. According to the BBC, most other penises in nature are covered with ‘penile spines’, or small barbs. But these prickly penises that occur even on our closest species like chimpanzees are not rubbed for anyone’s pleasure. On the contrary, it is suspected that penis spines “evolved to remove the sperm of competing males, or to gently chop the woman’s vagina and hold her out again for a while.”
It sounds awful, but luckily the genetic code for penis vertebrae is not missing from the Neanderthal genome. According to the BBC, this indicates that penis spines disappeared from human ancestors at least 800,000 years ago. Apparently a lack of penile spines is related to the human (generally) monogamous nature (I think you do not feel the need to scratch your partner’s vagina if you know you have it on lock), hence the fact that Neanderthals did not do so makes it clear that our prehistoric ancestors were probably monogamous, although they sometimes slept. No matter how monogamous you feel, you have a Neanderthal smooth dick to thank or blame.
Sign in here for our free daily newsletter.