The Gizmondo (2005, $ 400, or $ 229 with ‘Smart Adds’)
The only game console ever – to the best of our knowledge –released by former members of the Swedish Mafia, the Gizmondo actually looks pretty good on paper. At the same time an MP3 player, GPS (to keep kids safe, see), SMS device, and game console, the weird little digital potato feels smooth enough when you see it running. And if the $ 400 price tag seems excessive, pick up a Smart Adds-enabled model for almost half the cost – in exchange for, of course, a few streaming ads a day. (This is perhaps the aspect that is most before the time of this whole piece, now that we think about it.)
The Gizmondo, released by Tiger Telematics (no relationship with Tiger Electronics), does not even have to wait for Nintendo to smash it; massive promotional overspending, incredibly sluggish sales, and what was reportedly a fairly shady financial self-trading led to a rapid bankruptcy for the other Tiger in 2006. The DS may have gone overboard with new features, but at least Nintendo has not going out to buy a controlling interest in a modeling studio, just to promote the damn thing.
digiBLAST (2005, $ 90)
One of several devices on this list that were essentially embryonic tablets – two years before Apple finally took a decent chance to crack the concept with the original iPhone – is Nikko’s digiBLAST a classic case of too much with far too little to try to do. The odd little square, released mainly in European markets, was just as much a media player as a gaming device, enabling kids to watch (muddy) versions of their favorite TV shows on its (definitely muddy) screen watch before switching patterns to play vague versions of Rayman or Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 4.
Nikko’s defense also tried to tackle this video player idea during the GBA days. (Can we interest you in a performance of the GBA – track from Tenet?) But by 2005, the company had accepted the idea that its devices were gambling machines in the first place, and perhaps only because it saw so many other competitors knock themselves out of the race by trying to be everything to all children.
Caanoo (2010, $ 150)
Throughout this history, we have placed a great deal of focus on the role that Nintendo’s software library has played in its hand sales. Well, we have finally reached a system that can also take advantage of all Mario’s hard work, through the magic of stealing. (Or emulation, if you want to touch specifically.) The Caanoo, released by GamePark Holdings in South Korea, was one of a handful of portable items that came on the market during the DS era, and distinguished themselves by be open-minded – that is, anyone writes software for them, without worrying about obtaining certification from Nintendo or anyone else. These boxes, which include the Dingoo and the later Pandora, were essentially just small laptops that anyone could program. And what they usually programmed was to play old NES, SNES, Game Boy and Genesis games, because honestly, why wouldn’t you?
The Caanoo itself did not last long, but open source portable platforms only accelerated in interest, despite what Nintendo would probably tolerate known to anyone who marvels at its copyright. (God only knows what they think of the Arduboy, an Arduino-powered riff on Nintendo’s most famous handheld that is about the size of a credit card.)