Queen Elizabeth II never cries in public – this is the general notion that has been forged for more than seven decades of rising triumphs and terrible tragedies for the head of state of the United Kingdom.
Even if many people believe it, it is not strictly true, say royal historians.
“There have been more times when she was in tears than people recognize or choose to remember,” says Sally Bedell Smith, the Queen’s award-winning American biographer and other senior royals.
Bedell Smith recorded half a dozen occasions when the Queen was in tears, and not just in 1997 when the beloved royal yacht, the Britannia, retired. She cried when she went to Aberfan, Wales, in 1966 to meet survivors of a horrific avalanche of coal waste that killed 144 people, most of whom were children, Bedell Smith said. At her sister Princess Margaret’s funeral in 2002, people who were there and sitting near her told Bedell Smith that she was ‘very tearful’ and ‘the saddest I’ve ever seen’.
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“She shed tears, but it was at appropriate times, such as the commemoration of Sunday’s anniversary of Britain’s war deaths every November,” added longtime royal commentator Victoria Arbiter, who spent part of her childhood at Kensington Palace as the daughter of a former press secretary by. to the queen.
But the widespread impression that the queen rarely shows emotion gets the underlying role of the longest-serving reigning monarch in British history: after 69 years on her throne, she had plenty of practice to hide her feelings when needed – and often is necessary.
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The Queen held back her undoubted grief on Saturday at the funeral of her 73-year-old husband, Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, who died on 9 April at 99. The 94-year-old king kept her composure as she held her Bentley and St. Enter George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle, a small, hunched figure dressed in black with a matching face mask. She sat alone at the service, bowed her head and left with the Dean of Windsor, who was on duty.
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“I do not think we can underestimate how great this is a loss for the Queen. It is undeniable that it will be the most difficult day in her life,” said Arbiter.
Her family saw her grief up close, but those who watched the television service did not see it. All 30 guests in the congregation wore masks according to the rules of the pandemic. TV cameras remained a respectful distance from royal faces during the service, as is customary.
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The Queen’s second son, Prince Andrew, Duke of York, she said was a favorite, and gave an indication of his mother’s behavior when he spoke to reporters two days after his father’s death.
“The queen, as you would expect, is an incredibly stoic person,” said Andrew, 61. “She describes (his death) that she left a big void in her life, but our family, those close by, come together to make sure we are there to support her.”
The definition of a stoic is a person who can endure pain or suffering without showing or complaining about their feelings. This is the queen of a T, says Bedell Smith.
“She’s a woman with a deep feeling, but she works very hard to imagine an unobtrusive face,” says Bedell Smith. “It’s partly because of her role, and partly because of her temperament and the way she was raised.”
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The then Princess Elizabeth, as she was known until her ascension in 1952, was very deliberately trained not to show her feelings in public, says Bedell Smith.
“If you see her at any number (performances) or events, she watches for practical reasons, but she does not complain,” says Bedell Smith. “The theory is that if she starts expressing a reaction of any kind, it will be seen as promoting one group over another. So she has perfected this neutral appearance.”
Sometimes she is criticized for having a ‘rocky’ face, or she feels like she does not feel or care, says Arbiter. She is damned if she shows emotion, damned if she does not, so her safest option is not to react.
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“The best way to avoid criticism is to give nothing away, but it takes a will of steel and many years of practice,” says Arbiter.
Compared to her husband, who is more likely to express himself when he is bothered or moving in some way, she needs to show neutrality. “The discipline! She’s so disciplined in every way,” says Bedell Smith.
As a member of Britain’s World War II generation, when so many people endured hardship, loss, grief and devastation, stoicism was a coping mechanism for everyone, not just for the Queen, says Arbiter.
“There is a well-known phrase that the royals say: ‘Do not wear private grief on a public sleeve,'” Arbiter says. “The family realizes that so many Britons have gone through hell in the past year and they want to keep that perspective” during the funeral.
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The family wants the ceremony to focus on the Duke, the longest-serving royal company in British history, and on his years of service to the country.
The queen, who is head of the Church of England, may decide to say goodbye to her final in an even more private and spiritual environment, in her private chapel where her coffin has rested since his death. There are no TV cameras.
“I think before the funeral she would have gone to the private chapel alone with a coffin for a moment,” Arbiter said. “It will be her intimate moment of farewell, a quiet moment of reflection and faith.”
Then she puts on her neutral face and a mask and leads her family through another royal ceremony to be remembered through the ages.
This article originally appeared in the US today: Prince Philip’s funeral: Did Queen Elizabeth cry as the world saw?