Dear Annie: Sometimes, during the conversation with someone with an accent, I will mimic my speech. It’s completely unintentional and embarrassing, and I’m sure it irritates the other person. I had to explain to people from different national languages several times that I was not joking with them. How do I defuse awkward situations like these, and avoid conversations in the first place? – Do not shoot the cartoon
Dear Mockingbird: Your herd is bigger than you might think. A common psychological phenomenon called ‘mirror formation’ or ‘the chameleon effect’ causes people to subconsciously imitate those they are talking to. While this can be an embarrassment, this trend is inherently not a bad thing. In fact, psychologists believe it indicates high levels of empathy, and a 2013 study found that this kind of unconscious imitation tends to make conversation partners feel more positive about the speaker.
Of course, we should not deliberately imitate people’s accents. But if you notice that you are slipping up, then apologize briefly if it feels appropriate, and then move on. You did not intentionally hurt anyone and you are probably not the first person they encountered to do so.
Dear Annie: As for the lady who was attacked by her neighbor’s dogs: you said exactly that you were contacting the authorities. I can imagine no local jurisdiction where fiercely unleashed dogs attacking civilians would be allowed or their owners not held accountable. I’m sure I’ll be one of the many voices who will encourage her to contact a lawyer immediately to file a civil lawsuit for wrongful injury. There is no doubt that she has a case. – Lawyer Dave
Dear Advocate Dave: If I miss the point, I can rely on my readers to help me find it. Dozens of you have written that I should recommend that ‘sincerely confused’ hire a lawyer. The following letter contains some more tips.
Dear Annie: “Sincerely Confused” must notify the dog owner’s home insurance company of the incident. She will need to provide a detailed, written personal report of what happened. She should also, if possible, ask for such statements from the Good Samaritan Witnesses. In addition, she must include copies of the police reports, as well as copies of her hospital records and any notes of follow-up doctor visits. And she needs to compile a detailed list of every medical cost associated with her attack (the full cost, not just co-payments).
Since some time has elapsed, it appears that she is reluctant or afraid to sue. But she still has to discuss it with a lawyer. At the very least, she may be able to negotiate a settlement privately with the insurance company. I encourage her to choose a large amount to reimburse her for all expenses, plus the lifelong burden that her injuries cause. Project that it will cost to pay for future medical visits and to buy the necessary equipment and therapies to cope with her for the rest of her life.
If the police or the city do not even do this, a claim like this can get the dog owner’s attention. If they hope to stay assured, I’ll bet they’re building a fence. My heart goes out to her! – Bitten once in ND
Dear Bitten: I’m sorry to hear that you learned from a similar experience, but I appreciate your wisdom, and I’m sure “sincerely confused” will do the same.
Send your questions to Annie Lane [email protected].
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