Dear Amy: My parents are in their late 50s. They live in their own house nearby. Their marriage has been rocky for years. They seem to stay together mostly for financial reasons.
My husband and I have been very strict about contact since the pandemic started, especially since we had a new baby born last year.
My mom helps with childcare so I can keep working. She wants to be extra careful for the sake of our household, as well as her own. The big problem is that my dad thinks COVID is a joke. He will not take social distance or wear masks unless he is forced to.
He acts childish and shows no concern for those around him, especially not our young baby. We stay away from him and will not visit their home, but I am still incredibly worried about my mother’s health!
She wears a mask when she is with me or the baby, and sometimes even in her own home.
I feel so helpless. I begged her to stay with us, but she did not want to make him feel like he was “winning” the house.
I honestly do not even care if my dad gets sick at this point, but I am very worried about what his behavior might do to my mom.
What can I do to deal with my father?
– Very worried daughter
Dear daughter: You can not control your father. If he does not believe the CDC or pay attention to the various peaks and real risks of this virus, he will not listen to you. Your only lever is access to your baby, and he does not seem to want to see the child.
If your mother is very worried about her (and your) health and yet will not live with you because she does not want your father to win the house, then I would say that her health problems are not real. most important.
If she is concerned about her legal rights to the marital property if she leaves home for a long period of time, it would be wise to consult with an attorney.
The good news is that because of their broken relationship, your parents are likely to distance themselves from each other while they are at home. Your mother performs safe COVID exercises while she is with you. All of you should continue to monitor your own health.
If you really believe that your mother is increasing her own (and your) health risk by living with your father, do not ask her to come into your home until she can get a vaccine.
Your family illustrates the challenges and compromises faced by most families. Worry does not help. Reducing your risks does it.
Dear Amy: I have a female friend who has a lease at the end of the month. She asks about the move with me. I’m retired, never married, and we went out as friends three times, but I can spend the rest of my life with her (she’s 20 years younger).
The house I own is small and I have a male housemate, also retired, who lives in one of the bedrooms. The other bedroom is for his home business.
There is no sleeping place for her except in my bed.
I do not know much about her. She has an ex-boyfriend who seems to be bothering her, and that’s one reason she wants to move. She is also applying for divorce from her husband in another country.
She works two jobs and holds odd hours.
We have not been intimate yet, but we both want to be.
My life will really change if she lives here.
I do not know if just be friends and sleep in the same bed without being intimate while we are still getting to know each other.
Your thoughts?
– Wonder
Dear wonder: On the one hand: No. No no no.
On the other hand, perhaps the pandemic prevented you from attending live theater. Allowing this stranger into your home (and your bed) is your guaranteed ticket to uninterrupted drama.
If you decide to let her live in your home, you should check the laws in your state about eviction beforehand.
Dear Amy: I agree with your response to ‘Inflamed’ which got jealous when her husband googled attractive personalities he saw on television.
Can I add what my father-in-law said about it: ‘It doesn’t matter where you feel like it, as long as you come home for dinner.’
– Wise guy
Dear wise man: I love it!
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.