Dear Amy: For several years now, we have had a small group of close friends with whom we actually do everything.
All our children play together, even if they go to different schools.
Our children do not have the option to learn online and go to a personal school. They are home. As a result, the families remained separate.
It was emotionally difficult for us. We missed them and could not help staying out of account as we could not join any of their group activities.
When I recorded a few sentences in a group email about our son playing football in October, I replied to a very angry / upset email.
I was told how much I upset my friend (to the point of crying) because they kept their kids at home without doing outside activities.
She said she did not want to hear anything about my children’s activities.
I apologized, but she’s been haunting me ever since.
Are we socially irresponsible? We made the decision about football because all the kids were enrolled in my son’s class. We have decided that the risk of increased exposure is quite low.
But, no matter how comfortable we are with the exposure risk to our own family, is it irresponsible to take any risks (large or small) in the context of the overall social impact of the spread of this disease?
I think that’s ultimately why my friend is so angry with us. We try to limit exposure outside the home (holidays this year were just our own household) and we wear masks everywhere, but of course we did not insulate to the same extent as some.
I cried more this year than in all my other years together.
– Lonely and haunting
Dear lonely: You seem to believe that your friend is judging you as socially irresponsible because your son is engaged in activities that his school considers safe.
I do not interpret her reaction in the same way. She is sequestrated – basically in quarantine – with her children. It’s such a tender time, surely you can imagine that your relative privileges make her sad about the situation of her family.
It reminds me of the time when I felt particularly trapped and lonely (due to work, personal commitments, and financial constraints). Someone I love very much kept posting pictures of their wonderful trip to the Amalfi Coast.
In that case, I could “hide” these posts until I felt less sensitive and extended. In the case of a group email, the recipient cannot eliminate the lines that make her so envious and sad.
You cried, I cried, we all cried.
Let us now try to acknowledge each other’s tenderness as we feel and respond with compassion.
I suggest you keep in touch with your friend. Do not choose in this painful place, but rather try to re-establish your previous friendly contact. She and the children can enjoy receiving tickets and letters by mail.
Dear Amy: Like many, I am eagerly awaiting my turn for the COVID-19 vaccine. But I face an ethical / moral dilemma.
I am in a high risk category, over 65, obese, with high blood pressure (under good control with medication). This will probably put me pretty high on the vaccine list.
I am very happy because I have a job where I work from home and can access groceries and other necessities via delivery or delivery. In other words, except for occasional doctor visits, I do NOT have to go out.
Do you think it’s right for me to get a vaccine as soon as I’m eligible? I absolutely believe that health workers should be vaccinated as soon as possible. But what about the people who work in grocery stores, restaurants or other places? Is it right for me to stand in front of them in line?
– Wrestle
Best wrestling: if you have no (or extremely limited) contact with others, it seems to you most ethical to wait for a vaccine. I hope this choice is not necessary with large distribution.
Dear Amy: ‘Sugar Mama’ does not like her boyfriend’s fiscal irresponsibility.
When my wife and I got married, we set up three checking accounts: those of us, those of her. We each deposited equal to ‘Us’ and it was used to pay all joint and household bills.
None of us may ask the question of how the others used their (small) personal account.
Happily married for 30 years
Dear Happy Married: This was basically my proposal to ‘Sugar Mama’.
You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.